Behind the Mask Project

Parent A: The mask shows 2 halves, one showing what I have to portray to my daughter and the other my own feelings that I have to 'mask'. 

Parent B: It is really hard being a mum to an autistic girl who masks everywhere and with everyone other than me, I am her only safe space, in order to support her I have to 'mask' my own feelings.

My name is S and I am 16 years old… My artwork is inspired by the difficult situations I encounter due to my sensory issues and how that even though it may not be obvious to the people around me by looking at me from the outside, on the inside I could be in severe distress.  My experience shows the reality that a lot of autistic individuals have to conform just for the sake of the world around them. In actuality it would be more beneficial if we did not need to mask. Just because you cannot see it does not mean it is not there……I wish schools would know that I am not lazy or not trying hard enough. My disabilities affect every single aspect of my life and yet I still persevere despite not even being given the support that is required. I am my own person with hopes and dreams; my struggles do not make me any less deserving of a chance at living. I completely understand that these issues may be hard to grasp for some people, however they are very much real. Listen to autistic voices and what we say instead of shunning us.'

R aged 14. Listen to us.  R wrote what she thinks people see and crossed it out and then wrote what she is thinking i.e. what teachers might see as The Problem is actually The Reason.

My name is N and I am 16 years old…….'People describe me as a positive person so I showed that in my first art work. I showed the positive at the front and the emotions that I really feel behind the mask. The second artwork shows all the negative things people have said to me including teachers as I wanted to tell people that the stuff that they say sticks - it doesn’t just go away and Not to assume anything unless they know what is going on inside... I bottle up my emotions by masking.I hope staff from my old schools and college come to this conference.'

Parent: My mask shows a question mark in the middle with lots of wording around it. It shows how I view my daughter and how she views herself. The mask shows the daily battle girls have internally with themselves and their differences. Not feeling accepted, listened to and overwhelmed.

I wish schools knew that just because I say everything is alright, this isn't always the case….I wish schools knew that when I did ask for help I would like to be taken seriously. Just because I'm not disruptive, it doesn't mean that I can be ignored.

This shows an overwhelming amount of emotions I( have to) deal with. The Shhh on the lips expresses the feeling of not being allowed to talk about how I feel.

G aged 18. My mask refects me - my 2 sides. On the one hand, who I want to be and where I want to get (sparkles and glitter), but on the other hand; racing thoughts and feeling overwhelmed a lot of the time.  The mask reflects my asiprations but also my obstacles; my racing thoughts sometimes are vivid colours.  I wish schools knew that if students don't come in its not because they don't care - it's because they feel unsafe and unheard.  Masking is a daily struggly to fit in and its exhausing.

C autistic Appeer staff member:  One side my art describes what others may see or have said about me and on the other is how I’m actually feeling and what I’m actually thinking. In the inside of the mask are ways that could help, overwhelming situations and ways that can help others understand what I’m going through…… I wish schools knew that we aren’t trouble or difficult, we are trying to live and learn in a world that has been set up to suit one type of people. We all learn differently but some still don’t accept that and want to change us, make us conform to the norms because it’s easier, it’s what they know and because different is scary. Fidget toys are an absolute must for some of us so banning them is like banning prescription glasses or banning water bottles. I wish schools knew to listen to us autistics instead of always relying on a textbook; if we say we need such and such, we need it regardless of what the textbook says.

B aged 13: The outside of the mask is colourful like the world and the mouth is black because I find it nearly impossible to speak out when I need help.

My artwork demonstrates a major contrast between what is seen by others vs what I am often truly feeling inside.  It highlights feelings of fear, sensory overload and … The colour black which is hooded over me represents a heavy weight that I carry- not by choice. I wish schools knew that autism doesn’t have a look. Through my hardest moments when I was at school, my teachers thought I was ok. Taking the time to find out about someone, validating their feelings and listening, can save lives.

This final piece of artwork created by Appeer staff represents how prevalent masking is within our community of autistic and neurodivergent girls and women.  The front mask shows a word cloud of adjectives 40 autistic girls (and those assigned female at birth) and parents/carers chose themselves to describe how they appear to be when at school. The back face conveys the very different adjectives they used to describe how they really do feel when they’re at school and when they return home at the end of the day.